Measure for Measure

I like to go down to the hardware store with my yardstick and inspect all the yardsticks. You know, what if they’re off? Vigilance, my friends. Trust, by all means, but verify.

A heads-up Match Between a Reigning Champion and an Off-brand.

Once I found one that was 1/64th off by the 20 inch mark and I complained. The clerk deferred to the store manager like they always do and this guy accused MY yardstick of being the one that was wrong. Pretty much what I expect in a country that has clearly lost its moral compass.

I was escorted off the property as I hurled threats at them. “You’ll be hearing from the folks at New Yankee Workshop!” I couldn’t wait to file my report. What outrage! I fear for the future of my country.

Where do companies go to get the measurements to make a ruler? I mean, without stealing them from a competitor. Is there like an official yardstick kept in a vault somewhere and you go in with some newsprint and charcoal and make rubbings?

You could just buy a Stanley tape measure and copy the marks off onto a stick. Sell it as a ruler. There’s no oversight. The whole business stinks to high heaven.

So I set up a stake-out on the hardware store. (I’m not allowed in there anymore.) Watch the comings and goings for suspicious activity. Keep an eye on things. Vigilance, my friends.