2017 #MeToo Haiku Revue

Harvey

    each conquest a brick
    now tied to his flabby neck
    long walk on short pier

Kevin

    as young as they were
    he felt they were old enough
    and we do mean felt

Louie

    the king of standup
    single handedly ruined
    all self pleasuring

Roy

    he read Lolita
    as a self-help dating guide
    Alabama rules

Starfish Enterprise

Star Trek: Reboot
Grudge. Against. The Federation.

Dear Hollywood,

Did you really just give us the same basic story three times in a row? Whiny, pathetic little galactic Bond villains lashing out at the Federation? You revived the crew of the original Enterprise, younger, shiny and beautiful, perfectly cast, and you give them nothing interesting to do but exchange body blows with bad guys on a blue screen of perfectly rendered CGI just like every other soul crushing superhero reboot?

Star Trek TOS was a formative thing in my young television watching life, so when I saw you flirting with the idea of returning to the spirit of the original show, with younger incarnations of the original cast, I did get a little excited. There was always a sense of awe and wonder in those old episodes, and they out-shone everything else on the tube in those days. The show’s startling originality is something I’m afraid that you will never have the guts to pursue, and the irony is bitter as you pick away at the bones of something truly original and use the scraps to produce shit. On behalf of Gene Roddenberry I just want to say, fuck you, Hollywood. Louis CK is right. You just make shit. You are a machine that spews shit.