US Cognitive Test

I hope we ace our cognitive test coming up this fall. It’s just five words. Bone up!


(Note: I am excited about a Biden presidency in the same way I’d be excited to learn my prison cell mate was to be a hedge fund manager rather than a serial killer. More relieved than enthused, in other words. In this most critical moment in the history of this democracy, the one thing we can do to maybe keep the DNC from fucking this up (again) is to vote. VOTE.)

While the cynicism of the Democratic Party leadership forever shocks and disappoints me, the venality and depravity of the GOP is cut from a whole other bolt of cloth. These people, there can no longer be any doubt, hate democracy. They hate it because democracy means everyone gets to vote and that boils down to pretty much letting a Black Man tell a White Man what to do. It is the time-spanning tentacles of the social order of the Antebellum South manifest as a party that is no longer distinguishable from a cult. Democracy represents a concern for the common good and is antithetical to an unbridled greed for luxury and power. The perfidy, it takes the breath away.

To the left, this demonstrably criminal president is like a Frankenstein monster pieced together with parts disinterred from the Moral Turpitude Graveyard. Over and over on social media I see it asked, how can they support such a man? Here’s how: The right has traded in morals for strategy and the cult of Trump is a mere tool for gaining control of the US government once and for all. To put down, once and for all, the supposed horror that is the Liberal Agenda. The fact that full-time golfer drives smart people crazy is just icing on the cake, a punitive response, a ‘right back atcha’ for the crime of our placing an Uppity Negro (sorry) in the White House.

There’s plenty of Obama voters like myself who spent those eight years furious with the way he floundered around in the face of GOP opposition while actively increasing the inappropriate powers of that office instead of curtailing them, (as he had promised to do) and murdering people with drones, and utterly failing to apply his oratorical gifts in the service of educating the American people about the goodness upon which the progressive agenda is based. Am I a knee jerk liberal? Fuck no. I simply desire the functional, representative government that our founding documents seem to promise, but that nobody can find the resolve to deliver.

Mark my words, if the Flaming Orange Hemorrhoid keeps its seat in the White House, the GOP will take hold of this government in a way very difficult correct. There will be no more meaningful elections. (If in fact that is something we still have.) It will be dictatorship. This is what the 1% at the top desires, so they can keep control over the application of government authority, what the evangelical Right has prayed for, so that they can unleash without real resistance their own moral agenda (theocracy essentially), what the GOP ranks at every level support to shore up their own tenuous grasp on local power, and what the GOP voters think will relieve them of what they’ve been trained to believe is their ‘libtard’ and ‘colored folk’ problem.

God bless humanity. What a clusterfuck.

If you despise Democrats like we all sometimes do, please just hold your nose and vote for one this time. There is an awful lot on the line.

Fascist Boot-heels Come On Down

Here’s a little protest ditty in honor of the Federal forces invading Portland, and the armed MAGAs who cheer them on. May you all be arrested, detained, and prosecuted to the full extent of the law, if there’s anything left of it when Barr & Co. complete their project. (The cadence is the same as a boot camp drill sergeant’s call-and-response song.)

Fascist boot-heels come on down
     the dread antifa's in our town
Follow this psychotic clown
     you can't tell up from fuckin' down

Fascist traitors you're in luck
     folks down here is dumb as fuck
They clutch their guns and cry in fear
     dressed up in their combat gear

They see Dumbo spouting lies
     about the libtards they despise
And realize 'he thinks like me'
     there is no shame in hatred, see

Just tell'em it's okay to hate
     you bring your torch and don't be late
We'll burn a cross and knock some heads
     come on down and join the Feds

The unmarked cops will cast a net
     and disappear some bums, you bet
You'll know that it can happen here
     when jackboot troopers club your ear

Forget your daddy fought a war
     to stop them nazis ever more
Now the nazis run the place
     you cheer them on in all disgrace

The framers they can't help us now
     they weren't all-knowing anyhow
Quote us now some Thomas Paine
     while it's all twirling down the drain

We'll fix it come election day
     unless they figure out a way
To thwart the People's will, at last
     and disappear the vote you cast

Fascist boot-heels come on down
     the dread antifa's in our town
There is no time to fool around
     you don't know up from fuckin' down


We claimed our independence from
a sovereign, long forgot

But we're all inter-dependent
in what they call the melting pot

Freedom: is it something that
I myself have got?

Exclusive of my neighbor's freedom:
freedom this is not.


a fly landed on my screen
and I reflexively tried to click on it
but it flew away, up and over the horizon
to newly discovered lands, resplendent
verdant places labeled with exotic
names cribbed from the antediluvian
aboriginals, and over time, saddled
with strange new meanings

Plea Bargain

Q. What do you call an opioid epidemic in a white neighborhood?
A. Opioid epidemic.

Q. What do you call an opioid epidemic in a black neighborhood?
A. Crime wave.

Q. What’s the difference between a pharmaceutical company and a drug cartel?
A. I give up, what.

Q. What is the purpose of the law?
A. To protect people who have stuff from people who don’t.

Q. What do you call a white man with an assault rifle?
A. Open carry advocate.

Q. What do you call black boy with a squirt gun?
A. Officer involved shooting.

Q. What do you call a rapist who runs for president?
A. Mr. President.

Q. What do you make of this fucking country anymore?
A. Fuck me, IDK.